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Self-devoted Scientist Discovers Missing Link

28 April 2007

Dear Reader,

I have a confession to make.

Last night at precisely 11:35pm local time, I snuck out to my car and hit the horn for 3.0 seconds.

I looked up and noticed a light came on in my neighbor’s window.
He mentioned this to me.

This particular horn, I discovered, generates a particular frequency that somehow causes simple electrical connections to 'complete', if you will, in small electronic appliances. I am still researching this phenomenon, and will again tonight at 11:36pm. Will report back.

But that was only something I just happened to notice in addition to this; my original discovery:

Thirty-six days ago, after a long day of unpacking my new electron microscope, I decided to call it a day. My research paper, that hopefully at least one other person on this planet may understand, would just have to wait.
I pulled into my driveway and turned off the engine.
I noticed it was precisely 11:00pm local time.
Reaching for my iPod, I accidentally hit the horn.
(I did not notice if my neighbor’s light came on.)

The next morning the sun rose.

I have repeated this experiment every night since, and it has produced identical results 36 times in a row…so far.

I can only conclude that by our overwhelming numbers, some large portion of my 6 billion plus fellow inhabitants of this planet, own similar horns, and upon striking them at the same time, have caused 100’s of millions of small electrical circuits to likewise 'complete'.

And this in turn has prematurely awakened our life giving, glowing orb who now roars to his lofty perch with furious anger.

I have calculated the odds of this simultaneous ‘event’ and they are simply too staggering to ignore.

I am convinced now that to some degree I have caused more global warming to occur.

What can you do?

You can all do something.

But first, know this: You are just one small part of a very big problem.

More research is needed if there is to be any hope of a cure. And research costs money. So please, jump in your cars, and drive to the nearest participating Starbuck’s and grab a “Stop the Orb's Anger” contribution form and send in your tax deductible donation. In addition to feeling you’ve done something, you will receive a “Stop the Orb's Anger” magnetic auto ribbon to place proudly on your trunk lid.

But please, for our children, and their children, try to hit your horn one less time today.

We can’t do much, be we can at least do something.

***

UPDATE:

MTV is proudly sponsoring an event in which we can all participate:
'Send A Big Message'
All supporters are going to prove they care by uniting around the globe in this one of a kind event.
Please show your support by hitting your horn at precisely 11:36pm EST tonight.